i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
