In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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