It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
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The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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