There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
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The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
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Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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