Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
