so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
