i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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