do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
