dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
