apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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