so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
