i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
