So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
