We're facebook friends in real life
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
In America we eat man semen.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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