I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
