Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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