You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
