maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
