Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
