i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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