I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
found the other keg... it's in the tree
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
