I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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