i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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