you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
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Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I pour the whiskey from now on
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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