The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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