If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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