Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
