perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We need to rekindle our bromance
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
