Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
