They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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