When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
