just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
