OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
