So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm at about main and main street
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
