On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The best revenge is premature balding
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
