dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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