i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
