Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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