I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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