hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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