the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
