how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
