I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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