but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Green mimosas i think yes
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
