whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
