if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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