we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
