I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
