All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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