Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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