Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
