So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Randomize
