so that wasnt chicken after all
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
