i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
