party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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