Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
