You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
