the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
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Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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