my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
