talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
