1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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