she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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