so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
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So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
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I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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