the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
