I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
